I met this guy at club mass about 3 or more months ago. He won’t quit messaging me on kakao talk and sending me Facebook messages. If I haven’t responded by now buddy I won’t answer. I wish he would just let me be and leave me the hell alone. I’m starting to get plain…
And damnit, I can’t reblog this properly because I’m a tumblr dumbass. Anyway, partyintherok wrote this:
I can’t count all the times I’ve said “I’m going home” and attempted to leave wherever I was, and the Korean guy would be like “Oh, no you don’t!” and grab my wrists or shoulders or take my phone or hold me against a wall so I was physically unable to get out. No, man, I’m not just saying I want to go to be cute; I want to go. It’s not until I start thrashing around and yelling at them that they let go, and then they just act really confused. (I’m guessing that it’s a thing for Korean girls to pretend they want to leave a man so they can watch him beg for them to stay. Korean couples go on all sorts of weird power trips I just don’t get coming from the relatively sane world of American dating.)
I think this is that bullshit 내숭 thing Korean girls do. I won’t even pretend to be an expert on it. But I will direct you to go here, which will then take you to the places that you really need to be at: The Grand Narrative (love this blog) and The Joshing Gnome (part 1 of 5).
I think many people believe that 내숭 and 애교 go hand in hand but I don’t know if I really believe that.To me, 애교 is pretty innocent. It makes you look retarded, you may be acting differently than you normally would, but it’s pretty harmless.
But, in my opinion, 내숭 can be dangerous.
The Grand Narrative (who I think quoted this from PopSeoul) defines naesoong as …“inconsistency between a girl’s true personality (i.e. extroverted), and external (i.e. introverted, shy and innocent) personality. In other words, trying to hide your true intentions self by acting sweet and innocent.”
You may be thinking - But Kitty! That doesn’t sound so bad. What the fuck are you talking about?
This is how a Korean guy explained it to me.
“This is how Korean girls do 내숭. They will act very sweet and innocent around guy. They will talk quiet, and will not say bad words, and will not drink alcohol with a man. But when they go to their friends, they are very loud, say many bad things, and drink a lot of alcohol. Even when they go to love motel, the girl still acts very shy. The man will shower and when he comes out, the girl is laying in bed with blanket all around her and up to her chin. The man wants in bed with her, but she still says ‘no no’. Then man must attack her and then they have sex.”
O_O My mind was blown. He then said that 내숭 is when “girl says no but really means yes”.
Partyintherok, it sounds like your man thought you were doing 내숭….which is crazy because you obviously (to us anyway) were not doing this crap.
This reminds me of a post that fromnoonawithlove posted about (but I can’t find the exact post - sorry!) a while back. She witnessed a couple arguing outside for a while. It was pretty heated. But then a very short time later, the couple was spotted going up to the apartment together looking quite cozy. Perhaps that was also a case of 내숭.
The reason I believe 내숭 is dangerous, is because it blurs the line of consent/rape/harrasment/etc. Is that too far of a stretch? Am I off base in thinking that? “Daniel” may have experienced many girls telling him “no” when they actually wanted him. If that was true, he probably assumed that you were just doing the same thing. Instead, it scared the shit out of you. Way to go, Danny. However, I don’t know how 내숭 works within the Korean language…maybe things are lost in translation. I guess Koreans know when someone is doing 내숭. I really hope there aren’t girls out there doing things that they don’t want to do just because some man thinks she’s trying to be cute/save face/whatever…
Anyway, I don’t care if people act one way around a guy and then another way around their friends. I don’t give a fuck about that aspect of 내숭 (even though I think it is ridiculous). However, the “no” meaning “yes” bit could be fucking things up for the rest of us.
Argh. I don’t know. I could be completely wrong about this. What do you guys think?
Nope, I think you are spot-on, and I am very flattered to be re-blogged by the infamous Kitty Squared. I also found your information on 내숭 to be quite informative. It’s my Korean word/concept of the day.^^
